LIVING AS A “TABOO”

I don’t know “Mister Cee” and I’ve never heard of him before his story broke several weeks ago, but his being caught on video soliciting sex from a man dressed as a woman and subsequent   resignation from a job he has held on air at Hot 97 in New York struck a chord. I ordinarily don’t really care about the comings and goings in the Hip Hop community but this time is different.

I’m not a big fan of prostitution in the first place but that’s not what all the fuss is about. Hell, being a “Pimp” is considered a legit line of work in Hip Hop.  Selling crack and shooting up the place earns you street “cred”! It’s because he was with a “Tranny.” THAT is unacceptable.

Critics say Mister Cee should admit he is gay. He should feel shame because he’s not a real man because he was with someone who is not a “real” woman. Whether he was forced out or not, HOT 97 accepted his resignation.  (as of this writing)

Why?  Because we are Taboo, that’s why.  There are plenty of men who are attracted to us but not in public. Only behind closed and locked doors.  If word got out – that man would be toast. For us, it could be worse. Much worse.

It scares me to death when I am out and a group of men are nearby and I get cat called. My hard body 20’s are in the rear view mirror but it happens. I’m scared because one of the guys might “read” me as being Transgender. Then the others will shame the cat caller for being attracted to a “guy.” Too often, the embarrassed one will physically attack the poor girl he cat called and beat or kill her so he can get his “Man Card” back.

We Trans women have no voice in this discussion and that really needs to end.  As someone who is a trans woman, here’s what goes on in MY mind:  I’m a woman. Nothing more, nothing less. That a man should be attracted to me doesn’t make him less of a man and it certainly doesn’t make me less of a woman.

What does that say abut my life or me as a person that I need to be kept behind closed doors or that someone should feel shame for loving me, or even being attracted to me? How do you think that makes me feel? I don’t like being Taboo!

Things are difficult enough for us as is. This shame leads to trans women being nearly unemployable, it’s almost impossible to get medical insurance, housing discrimination is common and we are in danger of physical harm at any time – ALL because we are this Taboo.

I was in a marriage to a woman for 33 years and love being affectionate, having my hand held. I love being kissed and I adore romance. I miss all of those things. I miss being touched. I’m still the same person. The same great employee, loyal friend, affectionate, dependable, creative and funny person I’ve always been. Except I’m now a Taboo…and I refuse to be part of that shame. If you can’t be seen with me in public, you will not see me in private. No exceptions.

I am a woman. Yes, I was born male but I have taken steps to correct that. I will not give you permission to silence me or disrespect me because of that. My life has meaning and I have value as a person.

I’m not a fake. There is nothing wrong with any man who is attracted to me. Why should I have shame? Am I not deserving of love? We need to begin to have the conversation in this country to remove the shame, it needs to be OK for men to be attracted to girls like me without being called gay. Calling a guy gay for being attracted to me says what about ME? I am NOT a guy. How is that man gay? After all, gay men generally aren’t interested in women right? It’s time for this to stop. I love a quote I heard recently that said: “Justice is what love looks like out in public.”

Men who are attracted to us need to have the courage to admit they are attracted to us and be proud to be seen with us. No shame.  Men forcing each other into this hyper masculinity is dangerous and wrong.

Hopefully, we can someday get to the point where this is a non-issue. It needs to be OK for girls like me to be loved. Is that too much to ask? Don’t I deserve that?

I kid with my room mate that I’m going to make somebody a hell of a wife someday. We just need to remove the Taboo.

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One Response to LIVING AS A “TABOO”

  1. Colleen says:

    I know exactly how that feels, I, too, felt that way not so long ago. Now I have loving, committed relationships with both a man and a woman (I am bi and polyamorous). They don’t replace my ex wife (with whom I’m still on friendly terms), but the are deeply in love with me, and I with them. I met my man 3 months before my GRS, and although he is straight-identified, he had no problem with making love with me. I’m almost 14 months post-surgical, and having the time of my life. Oh, and I’ll be 58 in April. Bless you for writing this blog, it’s the very best I’ve ever seen on the subject.

    Colleen

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